RAISING HUMANITY with Laughter is the Best Medicine

how do i find the earlier comments....from yesterday?

I just read the lizard funny!!! Dont know why I never did!! Rolling on the floor laughing!! Then read aloud to hubby!!! One other thing I bought this weekend is 'Laugh' in wrought iron, hanging on the wall as a reminder!

You're the best!!
Karen

http://www.tvsquad.com/2010/08/31/david-letterman-game-show-contestant-v...

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

Save the earth.
It's the only planet with chocolate.

Robin Alexis

Someone I know told me today that when they were a little kid they confiscated about 200 fire crackers. They hid them in the basement. When they went to get them the following year for the 4th of July celebration their cat had been using them as a cat box.

Sad kid.....

Robin Alexis

Just in time for Global Love Day! Where do people think they came from anyway???
 
I allow the Light of the Stars to permeate my consciousness now!
 
Even typing that makes me giggle with glee!
 
robin Alexis
 
ET Phone home!

Stephen Hawkings seems to be all over the news this week, warning us of alien encounters and is promoting his new Discovery documentary series in London.
Some comments:
Stephen Hawking, the world's best known scientist, says that he believes that aliens lurk elsewhere in the cosmos, but that they probably are not very smart.
AND
Because alien life might not have DNA like earthlings, Prof Hawking warned: "Watch out if you would meet an alien. You could be infected with a disease with which you have no resistance."
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/science-news/3340426/Stephen-Hawking-...
AND
One scene in his documentary for the Discovery Channel shows herds of two-legged herbivores browsing on an alien cliff-face where they are picked off by flying, yellow lizard-like predators. Another shows glowing fluorescent aquatic animals forming vast shoals in the oceans thought to underlie the thick ice coating Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter.
Such scenes are speculative, but Hawking uses them to lead on to a serious point: that a few life forms could be intelligent and pose a threat. Hawking believes that contact with such a species could be devastating for humanity.
Aliens are out there and Earth had better watch out, at least according to Stephen Hawking. He has suggested that extraterrestrials are almost certain to exist — but that instead of seeking them out, humanity should be doing all it that can to avoid any contact.
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/04/25/dont-talk-aliens-warns-stephen...
AND
Don’t talk to aliens, warns Stephen Hawking
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/space/article7107207.ece
ANY COMMENTS? I personally found these articles hilarious. :-)

>
> Hi Friends,
> This really moved me. I wanted to share it with you.  Great model for what we humans can do with each other.  Click the link and watch this 1 min. video of an Orangutan and a Hound.
> 
> "We humans often cannot get along with other humans because the tone of their skin differs from ours."
> "How much can we learn from these two species, whose love for each other spans across species lines?",
> 
> (National Geographic)
> 
> 
> 
> Click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d79ArrL8VRg
You will see this Orangutan and Hound recognize each other from past lives that must have been great!

=
 

 Subject: Middle Wife--hilarious

                                The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
 

                                I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
 

                                 When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
 

                                Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
 

                                 She holds up a snapshot of an infant.. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'

                                 'First,  Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my  Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
 

                                She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
 

                                'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,Oh,Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
 

                                 'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my  Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
 

                                 'And then, pop!  My  Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
 

                                 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
 

                                They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from  Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
 

                                 Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ' Middle Wife' comes along.

                                 Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy. 

Kitty is a very bad mystic
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bTbAsmPOKo

Martha Norwalk's Animal World was funny the whole 3 hours on 4.11.10
 
April 11: A Martha and Sandy Sunday, and a great new product
It's a Martha and Sandy Sunday. That means after Animals in the News, Sandy will join Martha in the studio for open phone lines. Plan to call us with all of your animal behavior, training and healing questions, plus, have we got a fabulous new product for you! If you have dogs and like to take them in the car, you're gonna want it. Join us to hear all about it!
Hour 1 l Hour 2 l Hour 3
 
http://www.marthanorwalk.com/

 
A woman on business arrived in LA in the heat of rioting. She was very nervous and distressed about her safety and the danger she felt lurked around every corner. After checking in at the front desk she headed to the elevator. Upon arriving at the elevator there were already 3 men on it... 3 tall and big men. She quickly debated with herself... "This is ridiculous, I have nothing to fear from these men, here in the middle of a reputable hotel. Ok, no problem, I'm going." She then stepped into the elevator and quickly turned her back on the 3 men and faced the door.

Shortly after the door closed, she heard one of the men say, "Hit the floor, lady." She immediately dropped to her stomach in terror. Upon her quick dive for the floor the 3 men broke out hysterically in laughter. One man had simply meant for her to select the floor she wished to go to. She was terribly shaken and embarrassed about the whole thing, but eventually shook it off as she had business to attend to.

At the end of her stay she went to check out of the hotel and pay for her room. To her confusion the clerk informed her that her room had been taken care of. He then handed her a note and explained that the person who had picked up the tab for the room had left it. And the note said: "Thanks for the best laugh I've ever had in an elevator! Eddie Murphy."
 

Eveline Kopachkov Daily Messages

"I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time, I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink and gave myself a quick wash in "that area."
I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, put some clothes on, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, I hopped on the table, looked over to the other side of the room and pretended I was in Paris. :) The doctor got me out of my day dreaming state by saying, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?"
I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal...some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc. After school, when my six year old daughter went to the bathroom, she called me. "Mommy, where's my washcloth?"
I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it!"
 

 
 
The Twilight movie series based in Forks, Washington really sucks.
 
Buddha-PEST is not Hungary

http://www.thedailytail.com/pictures/how-to-store-organize-cats/

Q: What did the Medium say to the loud voices in her head?

A: Quiet down or I'll poke you with another Q-tip!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't smoke or drink,
(7) don't want to wear your clothes,
(8) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ...
--------------------

To reply to this message, follow the link below:
http://www.facebook.com/n/?inbox%2Freadmessage.php&t=1221428131461&mid=1df53f2G5b76a01bG1523e3cG0

___
www.raisinghumanity.com

 
 
Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.
  - Robin Williams

 
I had to dress in business attire a couple of weeks ago and tried to wear skirt and heels (big mistake).
Well, I guess it has been a long time since I pulled out panty hose because when I stretched the waist band, I heard the sound of old dried-out elastic that died with no stretch left. Ok, so I dug deeper into my drawer and came up with some appropriate colored tights that would work. But… the tights didn’t have much left in them either and kept riding down causing a tripping hazard at my knees. So back to my closet to try again (why couldn’t I just wear fleece)… and in the process I thought of this picture.... Complete Blog post, pictures and video
Cheers, Kathy

Things I would like to post in the gratitude forum but never will:
 
I am grateful that my mother-in-law is leaving soon.
 
I am grateful that her daughter is leaving even sooner.
 
I am grateful that they didn't use all the toilet paper I had stored for a tsunami.
 
I am grateful that my well held out for the 45 minute showers.
 
I am grateful that my septic system has held fast for all those other things.
 
I am grateful that the obnoxious village idiot that resides at the American Legion bought my sister-in-law that extra glass of wine that made it so she couldn't open my car door.
 
I am grateful that I was sober enough to laugh my ass off.
 
 
I am grateful to my cat, Miley, who chased the dog that my husband's aunt brought into our house without asking. 
 
I am grateful that Miley not only chased the little pooper up the stairs but had enough smarts to corner it and make it cry like a little girl.
 
I am grateful that I have a friend like you that will actually read this email.
 
 

Did you hear about the midget psychic that escaped from prison? He's now considered a short, medium at large.

Hey
 
Here is a little story for ya.....
 
Last night cute little Baxter brown had to go pee like always at 11 or 12. So annoying. But he will whimper if you don't let him out. So what do I do but let him out and he takes off to the neighbor’s trash....and a skunk. So the chase begins....and Baxter is sprayed and corners the skunk under the deck of the garage. And the two have a face off. At this point I have woken up Jeff's mom (it’s like 12:30) and she goes to the gym at 4AM. So we try to call the stinky dog but he has that killer look in his eyes. So they face off and growl and hiss and Baxter will dive and nip and bark and dive and nip and bark. And the skunk is like what the heck. So I try to shoo the skunk with a wooden stake, throw rocks and sticks but I never did have good aim. Meanwhile I can hardly breathe; I'm gagging from the stench. Seriously I thought I was going to throw up or pass out. And it was so cold that the flash light died. So sandy said go get your car keys and we will shine the headlights on them. So she drives the car over and beeps the horn to scare the skunk. and I'm trying to get the dog to listen....I'm trying all the key phrases....treat, ride, cheese....nothing'. So this had gone on for about an hour and I was surprised that no neighbors came to see what the commotion was all about or at least called the cops. I mean we were yelling and beating sticks and driving the car on the lawn. So I guess we have a real nice neighborhood watch. So finally Sandy tells me to hit the skunk over the head with a shovel....yeah right, me? I couldn't do it. But I see my chance to grab the dog that is usually so freaking cute but right now I could kill him and rush him indoors before he wiggled out of my hands and back to the skunk to seek justice. So I throw a towel at the skunk just as it has had enough of being nipped in the ass and lunges at the dog. So they are biting each other or making out. I grabbed the dog and Sandy came to the rescue with a shovel to make it let go of Baxter. She beat the skunk 3-5 times and I rushed the dog and gagged with each inhale into the basement so we could assess the situation. He had a few cuts but was fine. We put him in the tub and squirted skunk away stuff on him and we decided to keep him in the basement. But this dog is solo spoiled that Sandy had to make a bed for him out of old sheets and I offered up my jacket that was full of skunk anyway. I mean you would think this dog was Jesus and in a manger. I also brought an offering of water, because after an adventure like that he might be thirsty. So at this point it is about 2AM. I have never had to deal with something like this before and I had snot running out of my nose and I didn't want to breathe...almost like I ate too much Chinese mustard. So I took a shower and washed my hair 4 times and scrubbed with body wash and tried to get the stink out if my throat. And drank an orange soda, then drank another orange soda and called JEFF....after all it is HIS dog.

OHMY

This is funny.

YouTube - This Cat Betrayed His Girlfriend
 
 

very funny!