Metaphysical Mother Robin Alexis recently appeared on The Real L Word she writes about her Lesbian Experiences

Robin Alexis recently appeared on The Real L Word with Tracy Ryerson and Stamie

Robin's Lesbian Experiences, may they help us all heal

To tell this tale I will begin with my lesbian experiences in the first half of my life. These experiences were only in New Hampshire.

The first time I heard the word lesbian I was probably 10 or so. I heard the word because my parents were discussing that my father's younger sister, my aunt, was a lesbian. I asked what the word meant. My father and mother told me that a lesbian is a woman who prefers to be intimate with a woman, instead of a man. They further explained that this type of behavior was evil. However, they said, that even though my aunt was participating in evil sexual behavior she was a family member and we were to respect and honor her choices anyway. Although, they assured me, that if she didn't change her ways she would go to hell when she died. We would love her in the hopes that she would change her evil ways and go to heaven to be with Jesus and all of the other saved souls. That, my parents said, is what Christian people do. As I type this blog I realize that my New Hampshire lesbian stories are going to be quite lengthy. Stay tuned as I reveal my experiences with lesbians.

As I am typing the beginning of my lesbian memories I am also recalling that I, as a child with metaphysical skills, was also told that I would go to hell to be with Satan upon my death if I didn't change my evil ways. To further endorse that lesbians and psychics were going to go to hell upon their death Bible quotes were given to me. I was told that the Bible, all of it, literally was the WORD of GOD. It was the authority over our Christian lives. Even though the lesbian lecture happened at a different time in my childhood the means to manage the situation was the same. When I would protest that depending on what Christian church we went to the perception of the WORDS of GOD via the Bible were different I was told to stop being "difficult."

Hindsight being 20/20 I should have told them then that the Goddess was whispering in my psychic ears "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". I didn't think of that until now.

Every single Sunday my step-Grandmother and my Aunt,the local High School Lesbian that everyone talked about behind her back, went to church. They both were very active in the church and in our small town community. Together they made really great homemade peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies that they sold at the local grocery on Friday afternoons. I couldn't wait until Fridays when after my paper route pay day I would hope to get to the store with enough money to purchase those fantastic cookies before they all ran out. Sometimes I wouldn't get to the store in time and I would have to go 2 weeks before I could enjoy that taste again melting in my mouth. I loved to eat first a chocolate chip cookie and then a peanut butter cookie. I would follow with a cold glass of milk. Those moments of joy made delivering the paper all week worth it.

When I was little girl, prior to the lesbian coming out thing, I could go directly to my step-Grandmother and my Lesbian's Aunt home and help them bake those cookies. What fun that was to be part of the cookie factory! I got to lick the spoons and the bowl!! The kitchen smelled so good and the cookies that weren't perfectly round were up for any of us to grab and eat. Now I had to buy them like anyone else in town. All this down sizing of cookie joy just because someone else thinks lesbians are not wonderful people who bake good cookies with their mothers. Like my mother used to say about things, "for shame, for shame, for shame, for shame, for shame (always 5 times)."

Shall I say those home baked cookies gave me a real oral orgasm? I miss them to this day.

Do you remember the smell of the girl's locker room in high school? Our small town was the kind of small town that everyone knew that my aunt was a lesbian. You know, that lesbian that made the great cookies and won all kinds of civic awards. So everyone kind of looked at me with question. Was I one of those people? Was I going to be a good kid gone sexually beserk?

My Aunt was a superb athlete. She and her girlfriends played basketball really well. She even played basketball into college. She went to high school and college in the same town we all grew up in. The general assumption was if you went to that college and played basketball, you were a lesbian. That town, that college was "a known lesbian ring." How anyone knew any of this I still don't know.

I have always loved basketball but I only played it my freshman year of high school. The girls used to tease me in the showers. One girl threw my bra in the toilet. I remember fishing it out. It etched in my mind a permanent association of bras and the smell of a girl's locker room afer a game.

I got most improved basketball player my freshman year in high school. Then I became a cheerleader. We never had to take showers in the locker rooms together.

My aunt asked me why I did that. I never told her why.

When I was pregnant with my first set of twins my Lesbian Aunt graduated from college with a PH.D in Psychiatry. I was really impressed that anyone in our family was smart enough and driven enough to become a doctor. In hindsight, I realize her career choice in life was why I was willing to seek therapy when my baby died.

At this point in my life I was still in the thinking my precognitive abilities were on the “evil side.” Especially now that I was to become a mother and I had worked very hard to create the perfect Christian family in which to conceive them into.

So when I started having the dreams it was, too say the least, unnerving. Before I got pregnant I had a dream. There were 2 babies hovering above my 3rd eye as I lay face up on my bed. The baby to the right had green eyes. The baby to the left had blue eyes. A voice in the dream boomed out this message,

“You will have twins and one is going to die.”

Truly freaked I spoke to my mother and my minister about it. I was cajoled, comforted and told to simply dismiss the dream.

Then several weeks later I intuitively knew I was pregnant. I had to wait to take the urine test but I knew. Then I had another dream.

In the dream I say the same 2 babies. I heard,

“You are now pregnant with dreams and one is going to die.”

I told my doctor. He laughed at me. Then he noticed that my uterus was expanding at a rapid rate of speed. He ordered an ultrasound. I was pregnant with twins.

My lesbian aunt and her girlfriend moved in together. The girlfriend had a son from a previous marriage. My Aunt called me and congratulated me on getting pregnant, let alone with twins. I congratulated her for creating a family to love too.

13 days after my first set of twins were born one of my baby girls died. That night I had a dream. In the dream I saw the face of one of my daughter's and then I heard that same voice that had spoken to me in the previous precognitive dreams. It spoke to me again in this dream. It said,

"This is the daughter who will die tonight."

I woke up screaming. My husband asked me what was wrong. When I told him he suggested that I call the hospital. I did. I spoke to the 24/7 nurse assigned to care for our premature twin girls. When I told her about my dreams that I had been having she dismissed it saying,

"Now Mrs. J you are just exhausted from all this ordeal. The babies are better than ever. No problems what so ever. You go get some sleep now. You are going to need it when they come home."

I insisted that they give her extra special attention for me. My husband and I were reassured and we both went back to sleep. 5 hours later the phone rang. Abruptly our lives changed forever. If we wanted to see our daughter alive we better get to the hospital quickly. The drive to the hospital was 1 1/2 hours away. We didn't make it to the hospital in time to see her alive. We were greeted with the question, "Could they do an emergency autopsy on our daughter to see what killed her so swiftly?"

Now there were 5 other babies who were very sick in the Prenatal Intensive Care Unit. Our surviving daughter was one of them. Since whatever infection this was had the ability to kill within hours the doctors wanted to know exactly what the infection was so they could treat the other babies immediately. We were told we could not enter the Prenatal Intensive Care Unit to see our surviving daughter. The risk of infection was too life threatening. We were sent home.

After my daughter died I was so depressed I could hardly get out of bed. My Step-Grandmother, the mother to my lesbian Aunt, came to visit me. She sat next to my bed and took my hand. She told me that she too had lost a baby girl. Her daughter had been a still born. She told me that the understanding that flows from one mother's heart to another of women who have lost their children is the only way to KNOW what it is like to go through the loss of a child.

She told me that she knew that everyone in town watched her every move. They watched her go to every sporting event her lesbian daughter was in. They watched her go to church side by side with her. They watched her as a mother supporting and loving her as an open Lesbian even though it was the 50's, 60's, and 70's in a small town in New England. My step-grandmother told me,

"I know what it is like to not have a daughter to love. I know what it is like to visit the grave side of an infant who was born dead. The daughter who I love and support now can be a lesbian if she wants to. She is alive and I get to share the joys of motherhood with her. It is my deepest joy to help her walk her talk and talk her walk."

I know what you are going through Robin. You will never get over it. You will find a way to develop a new normal. Now when your daughter who is alive gets home from the hospital you have to be well enough to care for her. Remember these words."

My Step-Grandmother gave me a very warm, "gottcha back kind of hug" and left my room telling me I could call her anytime for help 24/7.

If there are any Moms out there who have trouble with your daughter being a lesbian, remember she is alive. You are alive.

Enjoy that,

Robin Alexis

Robin Alexis is a clairvoyant and the Metaphysical Mother. Her goal is to empower people to recognize, understand and treasure their soul’s wisdom. She believes that being clairvoyant is a divine right. The author of Raising Humanity and Robin’s Song: Treasure Your Soul’s Wisdom, Robin is the founder of Metaphysical Mothering®. She specializes in the karmic connection between parents and their unborn children. As a paranormal fertility expert, she teaches women who need help conceiving, how to nurture and empower themselves. She also speaks to babies who are in the womb or who are newborns. She has appeared on many National Radio and Television programs and has her own radio program in Seattle Washington. "Mystic Radio with Robin Alexis" can be heard on Alternative Talk-AM 1150-KKNW and the Internet at: www.1150kknw.com on Wednesdays at 12:00 PM (Pacific Time) Robin Alexis was recently featured on The Real L Word. She gave a metaphysical mothering reading to Stamie and Tracy Ryerson.

www.robinalexis.com

www.robinalexis.com